I don’t consider myself an overprotective father. I started letting my kids stay home alone for short periods when they were about 10 years old. I let them wander around our neighborhood alone since they were 11 or 12 years old. I don’t supervise their social life or phone use much, nor do I constantly check their grades or have them give me access to their Google Classroom to monitor their schoolwork. But I don’t do things the same way the parents of my generation did. I’m from Generation X and in my generation there were no “play dates.” Parents didn’t track your grades and they definitely didn’t track your location. You’d be walking around the neighborhood alone when you were 6 or 7, often for hours. Normally your parents had no idea where you were. The hope was that you would return home before nightfall. I didn’t realize I was a helicopter parent. When my youngest son turned 13, he started going out alone with friends. Sometimes he would take a friend’s school bus home and they would spend a few hours. Other times, I would walk to a friend’s house and then walk around town. I supported this – it reminded me of the freedom I experienced as a teenager and I know how important it was for my own development. My son is super responsible and doesn’t make social plans without telling me. That’s why I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal when I asked him to share his location on his phone with me. The author asked her teenage son to track her location. Courtesy of the author I didn’t think tracking was an invasion of my son’s privacy. It just felt normal, in the same way that I can see their grades as they appear on the school portal if I want. Or the way I ask my son to text me about his social plans as they develop, instead of just sending it and waiting for me to return in the evening. But my son was adamant that I not track his location. My first reaction was, “I’m giving you the freedom to do whatever you want, so I should be able to see where you are!” But when he explained his case to me (that he is responsible and will inform me, but he doesn’t like the idea of me following his every move), I totally understood his point. It’s one thing to tell your parents what you’re doing and when you’ll be home, but do parents really need to monitor every step a child takes? Want more Business Insider in your news? Add BI on Google to make our reports easier to find when you’re looking for what matters. I understand the idea of knowing a child’s location so you can find them if you end up not hearing from them. But honestly, if something terrible were to happen, there’s no way to be sure that they would still have their phone with them or that tracking them could meaningfully protect them. Plus, I understood my son’s point of view. I put my teenage self in position. If my parents had any way of tracking every move I made in the past, I definitely would have felt resentful. It made me think about modern parenting. After this happened, I realized that without fully realizing it, I had adopted many mainstream aspects of modern parenting. I have a college student and I watch parents go crazy when they discover that they can no longer monitor their children’s grades and that the children (not the parents) have to email the financial aid and school housing departments to take care of school business. The author says that the experience made her reflect on modern parenthood. Courtesy of the author Our children will eventually become adults, and if we don’t start to let them go, I fear they will enter adulthood completely ill-prepared to handle anything on their own. I know this world is dangerous, and knowing where your child is can make you feel safer letting him venture out into the world. But you should also consider your child’s mental health and development and what it might mean for him to feel like you are following every move he makes. Children need to feel that their lives are their own and that the world is a place they can explore without constant scrutiny. We reached a compromise that worked for both of us. Despite all this, I realized that certain aspects of modern parenting and things like GPS tracking technology can be helpful. So my son and I came to an agreement. For the most part, I don’t ask you to share your location with me, but I do expect you to keep me informed of your plans and text me if you need a pick-up or if any other issues arise while you’re away. But there are times when we end up using your phone’s tracking feature, like when you share the location where you need to be picked up or when you’re exploring an area you’re less familiar with. This balance has made sense for our family because it is based on open and deep communication. listen and give my son as much freedom as possible so he can mature into a strong, resilient and independent young adult.
