While John Oliver opened his show savoring the victories (and losses) that accompanied Tuesday’s midterm elections, he quickly directed the full force of his withering weekly analysis at Pete Hegseth. Noting that the Secretary of War oversees an agency with a budget of more than $1 trillion and employs 3.4 million Americans, Oliver noted that while Hegseth likes to post videos of himself working out with service members, he can’t even do a proper kettlebell swing. Watching a video of the secretary, one fitness expert says, “I’ve never seen someone be more smooth and delicate in their kettlebell movement. It looks like some kind of ballet movement.” Oliver goes on to show the litany of Hegseth’s “no fat” speech, which the host calls: “Less like an inspirational piece of oratory and more like he’s reading a book called Dr. Seuss to shocked fans.” He chronicled the failures of Signalgate, the ship attacks in the Caribbean and the war in Iran, as well as his attention to service members’ testosterone levels. Oliver focused on Hegseth’s “incredibly stupid” personnel decisions. These include refusing to discipline helicopter pilots who flew too low under Kid Rock’s house and then firing the general who supported an investigation into the incident. Oliver also cites the secretary’s decision to fire the “top lawyers for the Army, Navy and Air Force.” The Last Week Tonight host recalled Hegseth’s less distinguished moments doing stunt segments on Fox News: “bull riding, sumo wrestling, and hitting himself in the crotch with a skateboard.” He then revealed what might be the most ignominious moment of Hegseth’s on-air career on Fox News. “Hegseth infamously missed the target while doing an ax throwing demonstration,” Oliver said in a video of the event. “AND [for] People were thinking, ‘Jesus, that ax could have hit someone,’ guess what?” Oliver showed CNN footage of the ax hitting a marching band drummer in the background. He continued to repeat a series of “red flags” about Hegseth, even before he assumed his position as the country’s top military officer: the Christian crusader’s motto tattooed on his arm. The fact that she is a member of a church community led by a self-proclaimed Christian nationalist who wants to revoke women’s right to vote. His settlement with a woman who accused him of sexual assault. A caustic letter written to Hegseth’s mother “on behalf of all the women…that you have abused.” So how did the Pentagon respond when contacted last week for comment? “Our dealings with the Pentagon this week have at times seemed like dealing with a group of idiotic teenagers,” Oliver said. “When we asked about Hegseth’s university condemnation of diversity, his official response was: ‘The secretary is absolutely right on this issue.’” When asked if there was anything else, the host said a Pentagon spokesperson responded: “Deport John Oliver.” Oliver’s solution? He pleads with the newly elected legislators to “remove this damn moron” from his noble office.
