Sign up for Slatest to receive the most in-depth analysis, reviews, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit your questions here. Dear Prudence: My boyfriend “Jake” gave me a very pretty pair of ruby earrings for my birthday three weeks ago. They are beyond beautiful, but there is one problem: my ears are not pierced and Jake wants me to get them done so he can wear them. The problem is that I have a tendency to develop keloid scars. Piercings can trigger them, and the last thing I need is keloid earlobes. I offered to turn the earrings into a necklace (which I like the idea better anyway), but Jake is acting offended and it’s becoming a sore point. What can I do? —Exorcised About Earrings Dear Exorcised: Assuming you’ve told Jake about the keloid situation and he continues to push his piercing agenda, here’s what you can do: Sell the earrings and use the proceeds to buy a new outfit for the first date you go on after you two break up. Because his behavior is ridiculous and shows a complete lack of care towards you. If you haven’t explained why you’re hesitant, well, I’m sorry to tell you that I still don’t like him at all. Health condition or not, giving earrings to a person who doesn’t want to get their earlobes pierced, pressuring them to do so, and then getting angry at the proposal of a perfectly nice compromise is idiotic behavior. Maybe try playing a mental joke on yourself: pretend that you develop keloids every time someone disrespects you or ignores your well-being. That should give you the motivation to quit. Please keep questions short (Thank you! Your question has been submitted. Dear Prudence, I am facing a dilemma in the medium to near future. My dear friends of 20+ years are also my dog sitters. We are all very picky about dog care and have taken excellent care of them when I am out of town. I also take care of their dogs, which I really enjoy. A happy dog “family.” But they are about 10 years older than me. I’m 65. You see where is this going. The wife of the family has always been unstable and not entirely trustworthy, but in recent years she has gone a little crazy. The husband is doing well mentally, but he has some health problems that worry me. The day will come when I will have to tell them that we are sending the dogs to someone else, by the way, I am afraid this will be heartbreaking for them (and, in truth, for me too). your dog escapes through a door that isn’t properly closed or eats something that makes them sick. That’s something that would be really heartbreaking for them (and you). This doesn’t have to be a really sad situation. Maybe there will be a time when your planned trip coincides with an illness or procedure for one of them. Then add: “As soon as he gets back, the two of us will go bring him dinner or anything else he might need. At that visit, we’ll break the news to him, with a positive spin and a plan for an ongoing relationship: ‘This was a lot of fun. I know you two have a lot to handle with health things and are at a point in life where you don’t need to bend over to pick up extra poop. How does this sound? From now on, I’ll let the dog lift for my neighbor, who could really use the money.’ extra, and we’ll come hang out or meet at the dog park to just enjoy the fun parts.” Dear Prudence, No one likes my sister-in-law, “Sasha.” But I also feel sorry for her, because one of the reasons she’s so hard to get along with is her intense anxiety. She hates company, but my brother wants to be the home we all hang out at, so he invites us over and then she sends passive-aggressive emails about how there’s no parking or it doesn’t matter what time to invite us because “no one shows up on time.” Clearly, they don’t talk to each other about plans, schedules, food, etc. Sometimes when we show up, she’s in the bedroom angry, if her dog bites someone (more than once, and yes, it’s actually “her” dog), she gets angry at the person who was bitten. friends). with wife number 1. But that was 20 years ago, so you would think we were over that drama by now). But she has said some incredibly rude and mean things to my older children, my other brother’s wife, and my parents. So despite feeling bad about her struggles with anxiety, strange family dynamics, and sobriety (she’s been sober for a couple of years), we still don’t like her. On top of all that, she is openly mean to my brother (her). husband). I’m trying to do my part to publicly support in the family group chat and not gossip. His children with his first wife limit their time at these family gatherings and tell their father and stepmother that they can visit them separately, but not together, when they travel to see the grandchildren. My brother is an idiot for not being a better husband to her and for not honestly communicating his desire for large family gatherings. another, it doesn’t work. Now I see my niece trying to step up and be the facilitator. A big birthday party is coming up, with lots of conflicting messages about timing, food, and parking. My niece (eldest daughter syndrome) sent a separate email to me and my other brother’s wife, trying to clear things up. leave early. But it saddens me that my brother, despite his flaws, cannot have the big happy family gatherings he so desires. We don’t like Aunt Sasha. Darling, I don’t like it, my sister doesn’t want my wife to be threatened by her impressive good looks. Only our friends have the same complaint about the future. They don’t know we can’t relate. “I don’t know if I have a role other than to meditate, watch my own limits, and leave early” is the kind of phrase that threatens my job security. You already have it clear. Sasha sounds like a mess on multiple levels, and you clearly don’t need me to explain how little power you have to change that. The gatherings you want, but you’re having the family gatherings you deserve. Maybe “deserves” is a little too harsh, but you’re living with the natural consequences of choosing a spouse with this personality type and entering into the relationship under circumstances that would never lead to warm and fuzzy feelings for everyone. I feel for your niece too, and without vilifying her mother, you let her know how tough family dynamics are and how hard she is working to adjust. All? You can offer the perspective that many families have these kinds of problems, that it’s really up to the adults to figure things out, and that you’re available if they ever want to vent or get together without all the other personalities. Classic Prudie Three years ago, my hair turned a certain shade of silver, and since then, about 1 in 20 women I work with, especially those in their early 20s, have started hitting on me. Our group of eight college interns decided to have lunch. with me on Thursdays, which I agreed to for tutoring purposes, but they seemed to be competing for my attention, doing things like lifting my shirt to show me tattoos, texting me vacation photos in swimsuits or bikinis, or trying to give me a back massage (I don’t want to be touched in the office)…
